All That Hate
by Roguechere
Summary: Post-Antarctica. A story that focuses on the relationship of Gambit & Rogue as well as how the events of UXM 350 affected the rest of the X-Men. In this chapter: Remy, Rogue and the first words spoken between the two in an eternity.
1. Unfamiliar Familiarity

Disclaimer: No, it was not my idea to have the X-Men abandon Remy in Antarctica. Blame it on Marvel.

Author's Notes: located at my FF forum for the story.

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.1 - Unfamiliar Familiarity

The last time he had been here, the possibility that he was not going to return had not occurred to him. It had been just another mission. When you went on a mission: you left, spanked the bad guys and then came back. Not that time though. Had he known, he might have taken a really good last look at the place. Even when it came to his near photographic memory of blue prints and expensive places, some details had faded. Sometimes he had wanted to remember everything about this place, others, he wished he could forget it all.

Who would have guessed a giant metallic room could hold so many fond memories? Or that those memories could be so painful?

He never thought he would see the place again. He was half convinced it was because he did not want to, but no matter how hard he tried to stay away, something stronger than his fear of rejection called him back. When Storm made him the offer of returning to the mansion, he had not been able to refuse. He had said he would think about it, but his mind had already been made up, and it was not long before he gave her his answer.

He had once been told he was not welcome back here, that there was no place for him amongst those he had come to think of as family. He hoped that it had been a lie, or a truth that had vanished with time. He was home now. This place was his home and he did not wish to leave it ever again. It would be so much easier if he could just become part of the furnishing though, or a fly on the wall. He wanted to see everyone, but not be seen by them. He supposed he might be more like the noticed fly though, one that everyone disapproved of. One that would more than likely get squashed.

Hope was a funny thing. It had given him strength when he was weak and a reason to live when he was dying. So then, if that same hope was to be shattered - he figured he might as well have stayed where they left him.

It was these thoughts that caused him to linger at the top of the jet ramp, before descending back into a world he was not familiar with anymore. The X-Man world. In truth, he was not sure he could have moved from the spot if he had wanted to. It was like all of the energy from his body had fallen straight down and into his feet. They felt heavy while the rest of him felt light and lifeless. He had to fight to stay up right and he was supporting his weight by leaning onto the frame of the jet. He worked with the presumption that it simply gave him a look of ease, even though no one was currently looking at him. The hangar was just a big metallic room, with little warmth encompassing it. Not that Gambit had been able to find much warmth anywhere, of from anyone for a long time. He was always cold. Nothing about the appearance of the hangar was welcoming and Gambit feared it was just a sign of things to come.

He should not have come back. He knew it would be difficult, but he never imagined this. The overwhelming fear that had gripped him stronger than it had at any other point since he found Storm and Jubilee and rescued them. This had been a mistake, but it was too late now. He had to do it. One foot in front of the other he reminded him self. Do what you do best Lebeau, act indifferent and don't let on how… just don't give anything away.

"Gambit, are you coming?" Breaking him out of his reverie, Remy looked up to see Storm standing several feet in front of him, her hand resting loosely on her left hip as she looked at him from over her shoulder. He decided to start the façade immediately.

"Just admiring the view Stormy." He leaned his head sideways and a smirk graced his lips. There once was a time where Storm would have scolded him and insisted he not call her by that ridiculous name, but they were not that familiar anymore, and all Remy had accomplished was making them both feel awkward, as was apparent by the sad and forced smile she gave him after the comment. She waited for him to follow, which made hiding his discomfort all the more difficult, but he made his way over to her with some effort and they left the hangar and entered the elevator together. They had some of the most advanced technology in the world and they were only going a couple of floors up, yet the elevator seemed to be moving agonizingly slow. Remy could feel Jubilee's eyes on him, but he had nothing to say, so she just started to hum a tune he was completely unfamiliar with. When the elevator doors opened, the three of them stood looking awkwardly at one another. Jubilee. Never one to indulge in silence of any kind, decided to say something.

"So thanks, for saving my life and stuff."

"My pleasure petite."

"Well I am going to, like, take a shower. I probably smell like Toad on a good day." Awkward silence was now filled with awkward non-silence. Storm shook her head and turned back to Gambit.

"The rest of the team is currently out. If you would like to get some rest, your room is still available." Remy was somewhat surprised by that. What did that mean? Why was his room still available? The mansion always had people coming and going, they probably needed the room, so why was it not being used? "I can call you down for dinner," there was a change in the tone of her voice as an after thought she added, "or have it brought up if you prefer." He had to admit, it was weird talking to the woman in front of him. They had been so close once, they had been able to communicate without speaking. He could tell what she was thinking and feeling just by observing her body language, which was not easy because she hid her emotions well. He knew it was because she had to, if she didn't control her emotions a flash flood could occur. So while it had been awhile since he last saw her, he thought he sensed an un-easiness about her. At first he thought it was just him, seeing him again put her a little on edge. It had hurt, but what he was thinking now was frightening to say the least.

"Dey know I'm here?" She looked at him, not saying a word at first, then in a tone that suggested she was trying to convince them both of it she replied.

"It will be fine." He did not believe her. Storm placed a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Get some rest." He nodded and slowly moved towards his old room, now more certain than ever that things were not going to be fine.

…..To Be Continued…..


	2. Unwelcome Welcoming

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.2 - Unwelcome Welcoming

They say things happen when you least expect them to. Rogue would have to agree, given the circumstances. It was not, of course, the only time the unexpected had happened. She did not wake up one day and think 'Ah'm gonna kiss mah best friend and put him inta a coma' - but this was … different. Rogue had thought about this moment, but she had not been thinking about it when it finally happened.

The day had already been a long one and all she had wanted to do was come home and relax, maybe go down to Harry's and have a few beers with Logan. The bad guys were just going to have to take a break for the rest of the day, because she was officially off duty.

The team had gone to Cheyenne, Wyoming for a seminar, It was the first of its kind where mutants and humans met to try and find solutions to the growing divide and hostility between them. The Professor had wanted to make sure that anyone who wished to attend could and that had meant making the seminars location known to the public. It also meant that the Friends of Humanity, Brotherhood and other nuisances would more than likely show up. The team had gone and maintained a perimeter around the building while the discussions went on inside. It had not been easy, the FOH had shown up but were forced to withdraw when Mystique, Sabretooth and some others came to make trouble. The anti-mutant group had originally outnumbered the X-Men, but after being thinned out and with the "combined forces" of the two other groups they were more evenly matched. It was pretty obvious for anyone with eyes to see though that the X-Men spent most of their time making sure members of the FOH did not end up dead.

The arrival of the other mutants of course, presented a whole different problem, one being that Rogue would have to face her mother. Technically, Mystique was only Rogue's foster mother. She was also technically a terrorist, a manipulator and a not so great person in general. None of which changed the fact she was the only real mother figure Rogue ever had, besides Irene. It pained her to admit it, but Mystique was it - she was her mother. In the end, she owed her life Raven. It was a hard concept for her to come to terms with, but she knew it was true.

Rogue was thankful that Magneto had not shown up because he was someone else she did not enjoy fighting. Some of the team thought it odd, he had been on the top of their list to show. Rogue knew better. Magneto was twisted, she could not argue that, but he once wished and fought for peace between humans and mutants. He only retaliated because he believed the cause to be a futile one. He would not attack. He was probably to busy planning something bigger anyways.

When things started getting out of hand, The Professor had intervened. Rogue really didn't know why Xavier didn't just do that at the beginning of a fight. It would save everyone a lot of time and effort. He would probably make some long winded speech about fairness, ethics and the team being able to handle itself when he was no longer around though. So she decided not to bring it up. That and, she liked a good fight.

Storm was ready to greet them when they arrived back at the mansion. Everything appeared to be fine, but something told Rogue that something was off. She worried briefly that something had happened to Jubilee. Logan approached her immediately and Rogue fell close behind.

"Everything go okay with the mission 'Ro?" He asked standing a few feet from the Weather Goddess. It really was quite humorous when Rogue stopped to think about the height difference between the two. He still looked intimidating though, not that he was trying to.

"Yes, everything went fine. Better than fine actually." The first part had been addressed to Logan, but Ororo made the second part of the statement looking at Rogue. She held her gaze trying to figure out what it all meant. When just like a bolt of lightning, Storm said three words that completely shocked Rogue.

"Remy has returned."

"What?" Scott asked, as the other X-men started taking a heightened interest in the conversation.

"He helped Jubilee and I on the mission and agreed to retur-"

"Where is he?" She cut Storm off in the middle of explaining.

"I suggested he go to his room and rest." As soon as she got an answer, she was gone.

Rogue flew through the mansion, up the stairs and to his room. When she reached it she had to fight the urge to just blast through the door and see him with her own eyes that much sooner. Running her hands quickly through her hair and then over her uniform she hovered momentarily before her feet lightly touched the ground. She tried to steady her breathing but found it near impossible.

It was in that moment she realized she had not thought this through at all. All she had been focused on was the fact Remy was alive and well, but, was he well? She had not even waited to hear Storm explain why he was here. She figured she was moments away from finding that out her self and tried to squash the sudden uneasiness she was feeling.

Was this not exactly what she had prayed for? Actually prayed for the first time in a long time and with the help of her foster brother Kurt. She had to know she was doing it right, if she did not pray right, he would never come back. Now he was alive and here and she just had to see him.

She went to knock, but the door opened suddenly and her hand froze in mid air. It was him. It was her Remy. He looked the same and yet different at the same time. His hair was a bit longer and his form a bit leaner. Remy was still the most gorgeous thing she had ever laid her eyes on. He had removed all of his gear and was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that drew her attention to his arms. Those arms she longed to have wrapped around her once more.

Rogue felt an overwhelming rush of emotions and did not know how to convey any of them. She should not have felt this way. The thing transpiring before her eyes was something she had envisioned many times. It was often the only thing on her mind, and when it was not the only thing, she still thought about it. On this particular day though, after a considerable amount of time had passed and her attention was swept up in the events of the day, she had not been thinking about the possibility of this moment. It caught her off guard. Not just this, but the way it was making her feel. The way it made her act.

As loathe as she was to admit it, after a sensible amount of time had passed since she last laid eyes upon him, her beliefs had wavered. She was no longer so certain that this day would come. There were numerous rationalizations behind her doubts. One of the most painful being that he might not have survived. Now that her worst fear had been laid to rest, and the moment she often fantasized about was upon her, Rogue had no idea what to do.

Her eyes searched his face for any indication of what he was feeling. She felt completely lost and anything she thought of saying sounded entirely inadequate. He was not looking at her though. He seemed to be looking right through her and in that instant, she saw his eyes flicker.

The door closed on her, her hand still poised in the air, waiting to see her Remy again. To welcome him home. Tell him she was sorry. Hold him in her arms. The way she had imagined it.

Of course, she had imagined the many other ways in which their reunion might play out. Sometimes, Rogue pictured them yelling at one another. They had always been good at that. Sometimes they fought. On a few occasions she would visualize Gambit wearing a pair of gloves and wrapping them around her throat as she gasped for air. This though, she had not imagined.

Rogue stood outside his room a few moments more, thinking how stupid she had been. Her hand rested briefly on the wood of the door before she pulled it away and turned to walk away.

She should have known things would never be the same between them. How could they be?

…..To Be Continued…..


	3. Unexpected Expectations

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.3 - Unexpected Expectations

Remy sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the blank wall ahead of him. Really stared, studied and assessed the wall. He looked at the faded gray and wondered if he liked the color or not. He meticulously looked at each of the four corners and decided, walls were great. They stopped the roof from caving in and kept other people out. Walls were fantastic. Why couldn't he be a wall?

Alright, this was ridiculous. Who the fuck cared about walls anyways. What had she been doing outside of his room? What possible reason could she have for being there? She didn't yell. She didn't attack. She didn't say anything.

He had been surprised, but then again Rogue had always been unpredictable. You never knew what kind of crazy she would be one day from the next. There were things about that woman he just never understood …. like what the hell had she been doing outside of his room?

He had not known who was there, only knew that someone was on the other side of the door. At first he was anxious, he really did not know what to expect or who. He sat, hands sweating and heart pumping wildly in anticipation. When the person still had not made their presence known he became impatient. He was not an animal in a zoo nor was he some lab rat to be observed. Remy had been in that position before and had promised he would not let it happen again. It was absurd to sit in his room and wait. So he decided he did not care who it was, he was not going to let them stand out there trying to catch a glimpse of him and he was not going to hide in his room. He knew he would have to face them sooner or later anyways.

He charged a card, unsure of the reason for doing so and went and opened the door. What did he find? Rogue, looking more beautiful than he had remembered her, every hair on her head in place and her X-Men uniform fitting in all the right places. He was all too aware of the fact he had been sulking in his room the past few hours lounging around in some scrubby sweatpants and a t-shirt. He felt so…inadequate…. and that really pissed him off. Who did she think she was just coming up to see him?

Had she not known he was there? Of course she did, otherwise, why would she be standing outside of his room? She knew what she was doing and then acted like she was the one caught off guard. Good grief. He remembered the charged card and pulled the energy back into himself. He used this to focus, or to not focus on Rogue. This really was not something he felt prepared to handle. Mostly because, he did not know what he wanted. He doubted she knew either.

It was a dream. It was a fantasy. It was a frightening incomprehensible reality. It was too much. So he shut the door and walked away.

He might have laughed, if he were able to remember how to do so. It was, after all, pretty ironic. Him being the one to close the door and walk away. Rogue not being the one to shut him out. He did not really want to dwell on any of that though. He expected for her to come barging in or yell obscenities at him through the door. When he realized she was not going to do any of those things he wasn't sure how that made him feel.

Ignored. Shunned. Abandoned. He was feeling the same things he had felt before he supposed.

What had possessed him to come back to this place? To come back to her. Was he some sort of masochist? That might have been a simpler answer really. It was a lot more plausible than to admit he thought that he could be happy again. That maybe things could work out. That happy endings existed. It was a dream Xavier had pitched to him once upon a time and while he had his reservations, he always wanted to believe. The Professor was supposed to be a smart guy, so maybe he knew better than Remy did. For a guy in a wheelchair, suffering from male baldness and no love life to speak of, he certainly was optimistic. That had to count for something, even if all it spoke to was Charles' unrealistic view on life.

He wanted to see her though. He did. Just, not like this, not now. He needed to be in control of the situation. There would be a time and a place for him to speak to her and she would just have to shut up and listen to him whether she liked it or not. Given the things he was thinking of saying, he guessed she wouldn't like it very much at all. She owed him that much anyways.

Remy went to grab a cigarette before remembering he didn't smoke anymore. There hadn't been many convenient stores out in Antarctica and by the time he had gotten out of there he had broken the habit. He supposed he could have picked it up again, but there was always this nagging voice inside of his head warning him against it. The voice that sounded identical to a certain southern belle.

Well, he supposed seeing and dealing with his feelings for Rogue was probably going to be the worst part about coming back. He figured he had hidden in his room long enough, because really, that is what he had been doing. Partly because Storm had suggested he hide there, but also because, he was afraid. He had been alone for too long though. Left alone to his thoughts, a victim of his own making.

It was better to know how they felt now anyways. If he put it off, it would be harder. Harder to accept and harder to leave. He needed to know if he was wasting his time by coming back or not. If there was a chance though… He knew he certainly wouldn't gain that sense of belonging, of hope and optimism again by simply staying in his room.

With a determination he had lacked since that day in Antarctica, Remy decided to go downstairs and join the X-Men for dinner. His Tante always said bad news was best delivered on a full stomach.

…..To Be Continued…..


	4. Unkind Kindness

ALL THAT HATE

Ch. 4 - Unkind Kindness

They would know he was there by now. Nothing ever stayed a secret for very long inside the walls of the X-Mansion, not with some of the world's most powerful mind readers in residence. He remembered the long winded speeches about ethics and trust, but he would never miss those distinct looks of disapproval whenever he even thought about doing something "wrong". There was that, of course, and then he factored in the fact that Jubilee was aware of his presence and he could pretty well deduce that everyone knew he was back. It would not be a complete shock then when he strolled into the dining room and sat down to break bread with them. Heck, it might be like he never even left - or was that like they never left him? He briefly wondered if he should pose the question to the table. Might make for a conversation starter, after all, he would need something to break the ice.

He had this rather morbid vision of walking into the room and Scott Summers choking on his mashed potatoes at the sight of him. Warren Worthington spreading his wings, leaping out at him with a butter knife, still dripping with butter, and being stabbed in the face with it. Rogue and Kitty would laugh and clink their wine glasses together in celebration as though they had just given a humorous toast. The smell of butter and blood would have Logan unleashing the feral side of him and the Wolverine would end up eating what was left of Remy when the others were done bludgeoning him. Okay, morbid, humorous and highly unrealistic. Or so he hoped.

Sure Remy was hungry, but it had nothing to do with the feeling in his gut or the fact his mouth had gone completely dry. He could hear people talking but could not tell what the general mood of the group was. They could have been talking strategy, or making casual conversation. They could be arguing, or making jokes at Cyclops' expense. They could also be talking about him and he did not know what kind of mood that would have them in either. He wished he could reach out with his empathy and get a better reading on the situation. He tried, but received the typical nothingness. He felt nothing.

That was yet another reason Remy had returned. He could try and kid himself into believing it was the most prominent cause, but it was so minor to everything else he had to deal with. For reasons unknown to himself, Remy's powers started to act differently after his "trial" in Antarctica, well, differently or not at all. Gambit's telekinetic charges had been hit or miss. Sometimes he would overcharge an object and other times the charge would fizzle out, like a dud sparkler on some kid's birthday cake. His empathic ability seemed to have disappeared entirely. As for his charm power, well, he had not felt like testing that one out much so couldn't really say for sure but he assumed it was all screwed up too. Anyways, it was a bit troublesome and Remy knew he did not possess the medical, biological, whatever-ical, knowledge to figure it out. This meant he needed help.

Four names had come to mind. Charles Xavier, Hank McCoy, Moira MacTaggart, and as sad and pathetic as it may seem one Mr. Sinister. Essex was ruled out almost the in the same instant his name came to mind. It really was quite natural to have thought it, after all, that had been his "solution" once upon a time. Recovering alcoholics thought about that shot of bourbon after a particularly hard day - it didn't mean they were going to drink it. Still, he felt guilty for it. Remy did not know Moira very well, but understood that she and the Professor were close. He supposed if he made it out to Muir Island Xavier would find out about it anyways. In the end, he concluded two heads were better than one anyways and decided he would go back to the Mansion. He just never decided when he would come here. Fate made the decision for him.

He could hear laughter. It turned into a big joyous roar that burst through the doors and resounded throughout the halls. It should have been relieving, but it made him even less sure. He felt like an intruder, someone who came to steal toys from children while the family dined and sang Christmas carols in the other room. They would walk in and find all the presents missing and the children would cry. Uh … why was he doing this? If he did not do this though, what did he have worth doing?

With that in mind, he pushed on the large wooden doors and awaited the others reactions. Everyone in the room stopped talking once they caught sight of him. They all seemed incapable of movement. Well all of them except for Logan, who continued to go on eating as though nothing had happened. Remy was a bit surprised by the members in attendance. He had been gone a long time, and he supposed things changed over time. One of the first things he noticed was that Rogue was not at the dinner table, Ororo was absent as well as the Professor. Those in attendance were Logan, Scott, Jean, Warren, Betsy, Nightcrawler, Jubilee, Hank and Bobby. All were familiar faces but some were regulars and others were the members who never stayed for very long but always came back. Warren was one of those members, his obligations to his company being one of the prominent reasons why he was no longer a fulltime member. He had left for other reasons though. Reasons Remy would like to forget. From the look on his face, Remy doubted Warren had that luxury either.

He finally wound up the courage for a "bonjour" which was met with an enthusiastic greeting from Kurt - it also resulted in Warren getting up and leaving the table. Psylocke, whom Remy assumed was still with Angel, dabbed at the sides of her mouth with a napkin and stood looking from her lover's retreating form back to Remy. "Lebeau" was all she said before leaving the table as well.

Okay, things weren't going great but there had been no knife wielding incidents, Scott seemed fine and Logan….

"Grab a plate Cajun, this ain't no burger joint, you got to serve yerself."

Remy was not going to complain. He was quite certain that was all the civility the man was capable of anyways. Remy opted for the open seat by Hank. Sure, he looked scary and if you saw the man in action out on the battlefield you had every right to be scared, but Remy knew he had one of the kindest souls around.

"You must try the mashed potatoes Jean made." Beast said before taking a large helping for himself. Bobby grabbed the bowl away and gave Beast a disapproving look. Remy braced himself for whatever the X-Man had to say, certain it would not be pleasant.

"No, really" Bobby said turning to look at him " you have to try them, before he eats them all" and passed the bowl to Remy. Jean and Jubilee laughed and Remy could not help but do the same.

…..To Be Continued…..


	5. Unalike Likeness

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.5 - Unalike Likeness

Rogue was completely lost. She did not know what to do or how to do it. She had retreated to her room at first but found she was unable to remain there. She felt an anxious air around her but was not anticipating anything. It had been fairly obvious that Remy wanted nothing to do with her. He hated her so much he could not even formulate the words to convey the sentiment behind his cold and icy stare.

That was fair though, right? Some part of her needed the comfort of him being there and that was selfish. She never tried to fix things before. She supposed she never really had to, never really wanted to. Fixing things implied there was something worth fighting for, something to salvage. She had never really felt the need for that. She could just turn and walk away from it. Is that what he was doing, turning and walking away? Never to look back…

She was going to go crazy. She was not functioning; her thoughts were all she could focus on. Rogue needed to do something. She knew if she was left alone with her thoughts for too long, things could get worse. She was frustrated and needed an outlet. She set out for the danger room. That could work.

She did not want to think about leaving the mansion. There was a chance someone might need her here. Might want her around. If … she just felt she should stick around.

When Rogue reached the lower levels of the mansion she entered the women's locker room and was surprised to see Storm fully suited in her training uniform. Ororo was not looking in her direction so she thought she could just slip out un-noticed and think of something else to do when she heard the other woman's voice.

"Hullo Rogue."

Rogue had come to admire Ororo Munroe. The woman had a control that Rogue could only ever dream about. Storm had complete control over her powers, yes, but what Rogue was particularly envious of was the fact that in order to gain that kind of control she had to control her emotions as well. As much as Rogue wanted control of her powers, she wanted to be able to control her feelings even more. It was something she perceived to be one of her biggest weaknesses; she was certain others did as well. In a fight, she could do a lot of damage and had no problem taking on multiple enemies at once. She had super strength and was near invulnerable to all physical types of harm. Sometimes, none of that mattered.

Rogue often viewed her self as a woman-child. There was nothing girlish about her features; her physical appearance was a testament to the fact that she was indeed a woman. However, she found that her inability to touch, and therefore what she believed to be her inability to be close or intimate with another human being, had left her in the emotional state of a young girl. She was all feeling, and feelings were not always rational. Rogue had a bit of a temper. It caused others to not take her seriously at times. Where as Ororo always seemed to have everyone's respect and attention the moment she entered a room.

Ororo was more mature than she was but Rogue knew things beyond her years. She had Logan's, Magneto's and Xavier's memories. Rogue witnessed the atrocities of a war that happened before she was even born. She even knew what it was like to be a bald, prepubescent boy.

It took a long time for her to gain any type of control and be able to deal with this aspect of her mutation. She was constantly having to control urges that were not her own. Sometimes, she would be completely lost in her own body and Rogue would spend time living someone else's life. Which was at times less depressing than living her own. Not that she had much of a life to live.

She admired Storm but she envied her as well. They were not close.

"Hey sugh'." She responded, lacking her normal enthusiasm and sass. "Ya runnin' a simulation?" She was trying to mask the disappointment at not being able to use the Danger Room herself.

"I thought I would take advantage and run a basic one-on-one…"

"Ah'll let ya do yer thing than gal." Again, she tried to leave.

"You could be my sparring partner instead" Storm asked the "question" in such a way that Rogue did not feel she could refuse. It was more like she was being told what was about to happen.

"Sure thang." She really did need something to do. Rogue decided to stay in her field uniform. She had forgotten to change her clothes after seeing Remy.

Rogue intended to simply follow Storm to the Danger Room but the other woman waited for Rogue to join her. "Did you go to supper?" Ororo asked her as they both walked out of the room.

"Wasn't hungry." She knew what the other woman was trying to do. She was even a bit surprised; Ororo was normally much more direct. "You?"

"I figured it would be an opportune time to use the Danger Room." Ororo had given a more elaborate response, but she seemed just as uneasy answering it. "Did you see Remy?"

"Ah saw him" she said. A silence followed that Storm seemed intent on filling.

"What are your feelings toward him?" Rogue stopped to look at her, truly puzzled. Storm did not seem to feel it was necessary but obliged her and tried to clarify the question. "How do you feel with him here?" It was true that Rogue and Ororo had become friendlier towards one another, over time, but it was due to the relationships they had with other people. Remy and Ororo always had some sort of connection that Rogue did not try to understand. There had been times where she was actually grateful for it. It meant Remy had someone else to hang around when she needed him to go away. It scared her a little, to remember that time. A time where she felt he had been around too much. Suffocating her with his everything. Now… now she was supposed to discuss how having him back felt?

What was she even supposed to say other than that she was ecstatic? Did Storm think so little of her, that she thought maybe she was disappointed he was back? That maybe she believed he had deserved to be left out in the snow and alone? Was that what she wanted to know? Did the other woman care about how Rogue felt? Was she supposed to look to her for sympathy, because she realized the man that she loved no longer felt the same way about her?

Rogue started walking again. She could feel a headache coming on. Her neck was getting stiff. It felt like something sticky was forming in her throat. She really did not want to talk about this.

"Ororo." The two women turned to see the Professor wheeling in behind them. How he managed to move so silently had always been a mystery. A creepy and unsettling mystery. "I hear you brought back something that was missing." Rogue held her breath.

"Yes." Storm answered the question as though she was being accused of something. Almost like she was confessing to doing something wrong.

"I am very glad to hear it." He smiled to reassure them both. "Rogue if you are not busy at the moment, I was hoping I could speak to you." She nodded her head and continued not to breath. "In my office, perhaps?"

"All right." Storm looked down at the floor as Rogue walked hesitantly towards the Professor.

"Thank you." Ororo barely heard her, she was not expecting her to say anything and the words caught her off guard. "For finding him."

Ororo realized she would have to work out her feelings for herself. She could not validate them based on how Rogue was feeling. They were two different women, both with their own regrets. After watching the two enter the basement elevator, she continued on to her original destination, entering a series of numbers to open the doors to Danger Room.

She walked into the empty room and listed of a string of commands. "Initiate simulation Storm zero-zero-one code one-x-one h-two-h."

"Voice recognition accepted. Hello Storm, your personalized session will begin in five, four, three, two, one…" A simulated voice responded. She watched as the metallic walls vanished and were replaced with grimy bricks that looked slick to the touch. The floor below her moved as something like water rushed over her boots. She had to fight back the sickening feeling her claustrophobia always managed to bring up when she was in these tunnels. She did not have much time though seeing as how her opponent was already walking towards her.

The woman was nearly a foot shorter than Storm, but she had more muscle. Her hair was short too, and dark in contrast to Ororo's. Scars stained her once flawless face and an eye patch covered her right eye. So different. So alike.

"I will kill you this time Storm." The figure of Callisto vowed before rushing in to attack. Ororo was silent and simply waited for the Morlock leader to make her first move.

…..To Be Continued…..


	6. Unacceptable Acceptance

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.6 - Unacceptable Acceptance

She had gone through the various things she would say to Remy if she were ever to see him again. Most of those things would inevitably come up short. The things worth saying, were never easy to say. Of course, there was always what she wanted to say and what other people came up with. Magneto, or 'Erik The Red', always had a few choice words and an opinion on the subject.

When she thought of Remy she had the hardest time controlling the psyches of those she had imprinted. Magneto was one of the worst. He would whisper things like ((you did the right thing)), other times he would get angry and berate her …((how can you miss that filth?)). It was really absurd to think that the two had once been close, or at least, Rogue thought they had been. She couldn't help it; she had felt something for her enemy. She had seen another side to him and had…loved it. Then they had gone back to fighting one another. If it could be helped they never actually faced one another directly in battle. She supposed it was a type of confirmation of the feelings they had once shared, but it was not enough. Certainly not enough to forgive what he had done in Antarctica.

There had been so much betrayal that day…

All of the psyches had something to say some of the time. All except Remy's. She had even tried talking to him directly. It was not something she did often. Rogue was normally trying to keep the voices quiet, not encouraging them to communicate with her. She never found anything. He was hiding or gone. Neither of those possibilities were comforting.

Now, she was talking to the Professor. He was trying to reassure her of something. She assumed that was what he was trying to do anyways. Truth was, she had tuned him out awhile ago and continued to withdraw into her own thoughts. Thoughts anyways, not all of them were hers.

"Anna?" The use of her real name grabbed her attention. Xavier tended to use the name whenever he was trying to coax something out of her. It freaked her out a little to be completely honest. Her real name was no longer a secret, but she still felt more comfortable with 'Rogue'. Hearing it would often cause her some weird sense of disorientation, it would throw her off. She wondered if the Professor knew this. He was giving her a look of fatherly concern; it did nothing but irritate her.

"Ah'm fahne Professa." She felt like everyone was always asking her if she was okay and all it ever did was make things less okay. They observed her like she was a caterpillar trying to break out of a cocoon … or a bomb set to explode. Neither of which helped boost a loveless and untouchable woman's self esteem.

Xavier looked at Rogue with an expression that conveyed he did not believe her, perhaps because she had given him an answer to a question he had not asked. "Just fine?" He spoke with his attention focused solely on her. He was looking her directly in the eyes, causing her demeanour to change. She suddenly seemed very uncomfortable. He waited for her to respond, but when he saw her drawing back into herself he felt he had to push. "So you've spoken with Remy and resolved … any issues… the two of you might have?" Her first reaction was to stare at him, like he had just grown two heads.

Talked to, no.

Issues, understatement.

Lack of tact from the Professor, amazing.

The next thing she did was feel ashamed. For so many reasons. More reasons than she cared to list or think about. She felt very self conscious and vulnerable at the moment. She felt like an answer might be the quickest way to escape the feeling, like maybe he wouldn't just sit there and stare at her if she just said something.

But what to say? The truth was unlikely to help. Lying to a telepath was also pointless.

"No."

"Then I do not believe that you are fine."

"Ah am fahne. Ah'm betta than fahne in fact." He still seemed to be unsatisfied. "Remy is back. He ain't dead. Ah didn' kill him." Then Rogue added, trying to drill the point home, "Ah'm relieved."

"Rogue, we have discussed this many times. What happened was not your fault. You barely had any control…"

"And whose fault is that?" She spat back. "Who do Ah get ta blame for not havin' control?" God, she was such a failure. Lousy person. Lousy girlfriend. Lousy mutant. How long had it been since she vowed to get control of her powers? To insure she never got used again? Her inability to do that did not just end up effecting her. It seeped into everything.

"I failed you more than most." The Professor nodded his head as though in agreement. She suddenly realized how her question must have sounded. She hadn't meant it like that though. Did she? Did she hold the Professor responsible? When she had come here, she had believed he could fix her. Not that staying with Mystique was something she had really considered either. She knew she did not belong with the Brotherhood anymore. ((You never should have left!))

"Look Professa, Ah jus really don wanna talk about all this right now." She really didn't. Rogue could hardly get a handle on her own emotions, let alone worry about hurting someone else's feelings right now. She doubted she would get much peace if she stayed here. Her head was crowded.

The Professor her gave her a sad look. "Shall we go down for dinner?"

The mansion was crowded.

"Ah don't think so. Ah'll be … somewhere else." She told him, already walking away. Being alone might not be smart, but being around the team was not helping either. It wasn't like she was needed anyways.

The Professor sighed and pinched the top of his nose. It was hard blocking out the thoughts of others sometimes. He had trained himself on how to block the more mundane, everyday, unenthusiastic thoughts but intense, highly emotional ones could slip through. He guessed that Jean and Betsy were having an even harder time. For all their sakes, Rogue would have to talk about it sometime.

…..To Be Continued…..


	7. Unchanged Changes

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.7 - Unchanged Changes

When everyone had finished eating dinner Remy had offered to help Jean with the dishes. He knew it was a bit like cheating. After all, he was trying to get on everyone's good side and no one in their right mind would turn down help with the dishes. Jean, however, seemed genuinely happy to have his help and so he allowed himself to feel a little less manipulative. A little.

Scott ended up sticking around too. He seemed glad to have Remy back, but that didn't mean he trusted him to be alone … with his wife. Remy was not sure if that was because he had done something wrong or if it was because he was better looking than Scott. He chose to believe it was the latter. It probably was.

They talked. Not about a lot, but they were talking. Jean filled him in on the team roster and where the unaccounted for members were. Colossus had gone back to Russia. A friend of the family had written to him, claiming they had seen his long lost sister, Illyana. The Professor told Piotr that he could not sense her, that Cerebro could find no trace of her and that the person was more than likely mistaking, but Colossus had not been willing to take that chance. So he left. He had been gone for weeks. Kathyrne Pryde, also known as Shadowcat, had insisted on going with him.

Scott and Jean eventually left and Remy had to figure out what it was he was going to do next. He was feeling pretty good. Things had gone better than expected. The situation was not perfect and there was a lot that would still have to be dealt with. Nothing that needed to happen right away. He was willing to wait. For right now he just needed to occupy himself with something.

He felt a sudden urge to go and shoot some pool. It had been one of his favourite past times, along with irritating Scott, Logan and Rogue. Pool was the most challenging of the four but possibly the least exciting. Pool was more predictable and a lot less scary than a pissed off Logan or Rogue.

Remy had been aware of his absence but when he entered the room it really sunk in. Things had changed around the mansion. The furniture had been rearranged. The grubby old couch that Jean had always complained about had been replaced. Some sides of the wall were darker shades of white than the rest of the room was. A much larger television set had taken the spot of the old one. Most importantly, there was no pool table.

Life had gone on without him.

He was instantly saddened by it all. He had memories of this room, a room that seemed to exist in some other reality. He taught Jubilee how to play pool here and remembered the pride he felt as he watched her sucker in half the male roster, most for a couple hundred dollars. She was wearing that yellow rain jacket she liked so much and when she came over and hugged him he remembered how awkward the material felt and the squeak it made as she moved out of his grasp.

One night when Jean an Scott were alone in the room, lights off, watching a horror film Remy waited for an opportune moment to poke his head up from behind the couch and whisper "boo". Scott had hit the roof while Jean simply laughed at her husband's antics. He should have known better, it was near impossible to sneak up on a telepath. He got a good chewing out from the not-so-fearless leader that night. It had been worth it.

Remy remembered Rogue strutting into the room, her auburn curls bouncing with each step as her white locks kissed her forehead. She was wearing black, laced, platform boots, which he always found unnecessary given her height but loved the way she looked in them all the same. Black tights with a long sleeved green top that came down to about mid thigh. She was looking for her jean jacket and when she found it the way her gold earring caught the light… this was no memory.

This was happening now.

As though she could feel his eyes upon her she hesitantly glanced to the side. When their eyes locked Rogue looked like she wanted to bolt. She did not move. He thought of comparing her to a deer caught in the headlights but thought the saying was overused. Honestly, if a deer had walked into the room it would have been a little less terrifying. Remy had never wanted to dry hump wildlife either. The comparison just didn't fit.

"What are ya doin' in here?" she managed to get out.

"Ain't I allowed?" he asked huffing and crossing his arms. Her face conveyed that he had taken the question the wrong way, but he allowed himself to be irritated anyways. First words spoken between the two in an eternity.

"Thas not…" she started, shaking her head "of course ya are." Her legs finally seemed to catch up with her brain as she moved, ready to flee from the room.

"The pool table?" The irritation was gone from his voice; he dropped his arms to gesture at the unoccupied space. She stopped to stare at him, looking at him at though he were some piece of abstract she did not understand.

"Destroyed." She responded after a few moments passed, as though she was uncertain whether she should have answered him or not.

"Destroyed?" He focused on the spot the table used to be in.

"The mansion was attacked by a mutant callin' himself Crash awhile back. True to his name he crashed through the wall and destroyed half the room, including the pool table. Unfortunately for him Logan was in here at the time." That last part felt like a comment she would make to relieve the tension, but neither of them even cracked a smile.

"Xavier didn' git a new one?" Remy asked, still looking at the spot and not at Rogue.

"No one plays anymore." There was something to the way she had said that, he just did not know what it had meant.

Did he know this place anymore? Did he know her anymore? He looked at her now and thought she looked ready to leave again.

"Are you avoidin' me Rogue?" This was happening. He was making it happen. Time to cut through the bullshit.

"I didn't know if ya wanted to see me."

"So you been ignoring me to save your feelin's from bein' hurt." He said the words spitefully, but then added "suppose I can relate." He wanted to take the high road so badly but was not sure he had the right.

"Why are you here?" She had moved closer to him. There was still distance between them, but she was situated in the room now.

"This is my home." To this Rogue made a face and a sound that made evident she was not convinced of that. He looked at her, his eyes trying to pierce her impenetrable flesh and said "oh that's right, you told me I didn't have a home."

"You lived here. The mansion was your home as much as it was Logan's." He snorted, she would bring him up. He wished he knew what that man did to make her worship him so damn much. "You would come and go as you pleased. Nothin' ever kept you here very long." Yes, he left, but he always came back. He was here, right now. He had crawled back. "What do you want?" She asked him, like he was supposed to know.

"How about an apology?" He ground out through his teeth. She looked hurt. She looked lost. So the last thing he was expecting was for her to close the distance between them. She was shaking a little bit but her resolve was strong.

Her lips pulled apart and she looked into his eyes "I'm sorry I left ya in Antarctica Remy." The words just came out. She said it as though she apologized all the time for things. "I can not begin to imagine the pain you went through. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair." After the confession, he saw her drift away and when she was almost out of the room she added. "I hope you got what you came for."

He did not know how to answer her when she asked what he wanted. Honestly, Rogue had always been so damned stubborn. He never expected her to apologize, or to do so sincerely. What did it mean, now that she had? Did he forgive her? Could they move on?

He was still looking for an answer.

…..To Be Continued…..


End file.
